|Air Date||November 13, 1997|
|Writer(s)||Darin Henry, Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin|
|← The Merv Griffin Show · The Betrayal →|
"The Slicer" is the seventh episode episode of the ninth season of Seinfeld. Written by Darin Henry and Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin and directed by Andy Ackerman, it originally aired on November 13, 1997.
Elaine has a nightmare where she, George, Jerry, and Kramer all share a bed, but is awakened by her next door neighbor's alarm clock. George applies for an interview with Kruger Industrial Smoothing and gets the job, but notices in Kruger's office a picture of Kruger and his family at the beach with a not-so-bald George in the background.
Later, George then tells Kramer and Jerry at the coffee shop about the "boom box incident" that occurred in the summer of 1989: George was at the beach and a family comes up next to him. After returning from swimming in the surf, George finds all his things gone. After screaming at the kids from the family, he gets so angry he throws their boom box into the ocean. Moments later, he finds his things in the water and realizes that the tide, not the kids, had taken them out. The father (Kruger) demands George pay for the boom box, so George gives him a fake address.
Now, George is worried that he may get fired once Kruger recognizes him from the picture. Kramer suggests sneaking the picture out and getting George's image airbrushed out. George takes to the idea and leaves. Kramer is annoyed at the shoddy slicing of the meat in the sandwiches he eats, stating that he "hasn't had a decent sandwich in 13 years." He solves his problem by getting a meat slicer.
Elaine can't sleep because her neighbor forgot to turn off the alarm clock before leaving for Paris. Kramer tells her that the same thing happened to his friend Lomez, so he (Lomez) blew his neighbor's circuit. He and Elaine then set off to do just that. Meanwhile, Jerry begins dating a doctor, Sara Sidarides.
The next day, George goes to pick up the picture, but finds out Kruger was airbrushed out instead of him. Elaine realizes her neighbor's cat now can't eat because shutting off the power also shut off its automatic feeder. Jerry tells Elaine his date with Dr. Sidarides didn't go well because she kept making him feel like "if I don't save lives, I'm worthless." Elaine then reveals that Sidarides is a dermatologist and Jerry gets annoyed at this, not considering a dermatologist to be a "lifesaver." George convinces him to go on a "revenge date" to tell her off.
Elaine and Kramer go back to Elaine's apartment with the meat slicer and feed the cat under the door. Elaine borrows Kramer's slicer, but uses it for slicing other things, and eventually gets a piece of her heel stuck in it. Jerry's revenge date doesn't go well when a former patient of Sidarides' comes up and thanks her for saving his life. The reason: he had skin cancer. George goes back to the Foto Hut, and finds himself airbrushed out, and only a drawing of Kruger back in. He then realizes he has to get a photo of his boss without his shirt on (as he was in the picture) to put back in.
When Elaine drops by to pick up pliers to remove the heel from Kramer's slicer, she drops a helpful tip about how Sidarides goes by offices screening people for skin cancer (that's how they met). George then realizes all he has to do is set up a screening at Kruger's and he can get his picture (after Jerry apologizes to Sidarides). Kramer goes to Elaine's to pick up his slicer. She manages to get the heel out just in time, but dings up the blade in the process. When trying to get back into Elaine's apartment, he accidentally pulls off her doorknob, trapping her inside.
Jerry starts getting an allergic reaction. Kramer thinks Sidarides gave it to him when he went down to apologize to her. He decides to go down to Kruger's - where Sidarides is going the cancer screening - and ask her. Kramer comes along to pick up with blade. Jerry insults Sidarides and causes her to leave. As Kruger comes in for his screening, Kruger mistakes Kramer for the doctor (since he is wearing his butcher's coat). Kramer then checked Kruger for moles or "freckles' ugly cousin" (as Kramer puts it). He takes a picture of Kruger for George, but finds a mole on Kruger's right shoulder.
George gets the picture fixed and Kramer starts getting into dermatology. While flipping through one of Kramer's medical books, Jerry finds a section on his condition and figures out that his hives came from an allergic reaction to Benzine, commonly used as a metal cleaner. Kramer had been using Jerry's hand towel with metal cleaner to clean his slicer blade, which gave him hives. George returns to work and suggests Kruger go see another dermatologist about his mole, but finds Kruger isn't worried about it. Because the mole is visible in the picture (which he thinks was taken in 1989), he thinks it hasn't grown. Kruger then reveals to George about that day when he and his kids took this "pear-shaped loser's clothes and threw them all in the ocean." George gets mad and informs him that the pear-shaped loser was him, to which Kruger replies, "Boy, you've lost a lot of hair."
At the end of the episode, Kramer, George and Jerry camp outside Elaine's apartment, feeding her under the door until the locksmith arrives to fix the doorknob Kramer had broken earlier. Jerry sees another dermatologist and George ends up not getting fired anyway because Kruger "didn't care."
- This episode makes another reference to Kramer's fear of clowns.
- Kramer marks George "in his chart", a possible reference to the Season 8 episode The Package.
- This is the first appearence of Kruger, whom would be George's boss for the remaining episodes of the season.
- George's flashback is set in 1989, the year of the Seinfeld Chronicles. The flashback depicts George with a full head of hair, while in Chronicles, he is starting to bald.