|Air Date||January 26, 1995|
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George walks down the street and meets an old friend, Gary Fogel (Jon Lovitz), who apparently spent the last few months undergoing chemotherapy. Kramer calls a litterbug who threw garbage out of his car a "pig", but happens to do so right behind a cop. The cop turns and confronts Kramer, believing that Kramer called him a pig, which distracts him from giving a parking ticket to a car, which then flees.
George wants to talk privately with Jerry. Jerry tells George he knew about Gary's cancer but swore not to tell because George cannot keep secrets; George has no "Poker face." Elaine had a bad break-up with writer Jake Jarmel; Kramer has seen him on TV and wants a pair of unique eyeglasses just like his.
Later, Kramer talks with the police officer and explains the misunderstanding. The cop says that he's spent years tracking a scofflaw who has racked up more parking tickets than anybody else in the city. The cop, who has an eye patch, considers the scofflaw his "white whale." Kramer responds by telling him he wants to get an eye patch like his. Gary discusses with George about not telling him about his illness. To smooth things over, Gary offers George a parking spot and then tells him another secret: he really never had cancer.
Jake Jarmel refused to tell Kramer about his glasses; he wants his to be unique. However, Kramer made a mistake: he said, "Elaine says hi," which Elaine thinks takes down her advantage in the "post-break-up relationship".
George arrives at Jerry's place and is immediately confronted about his "poker face". George doesn't resist and tells the truth about Gary to Jerry. Jerry is upset because he bought Gary a costly gift certificate for baldness treatment because of the chemotherapy. Now Jerry must pretend he doesn't know so George can get his coveted parking spot.
When Jerry meets Gary at Monk's Cafe, Gary has gotten a toupee. He is so confident that he goes to talk to a quiet, beautiful woman who sits in a corner booth reading. Kramer arrives wearing an eyepatch ("I wanna be a pirate."), but has problems seeing.
George is driving Jon Voight's car ("The Mom and Pop Store") with Debbie, a mutual friend of his and Gary's. Debbie fell in love with Gary because of his supposed battle against cancer. Elaine plots revenge on her ex-boyfriend by buying an identical pair of glasses from a man walking down the street who says he bought them in Malaysia. George crashes his car while trying to avoid hitting the man who sold his glasses to Elaine who blindly walked across the street. The police officer is distracted by the accident and loses his white whale once again, and Kramer witnesses that Newman is in fact the infamous scofflaw.
Elaine taunts Jake Jarmel with the glasses at a book signing. Kramer tries to convince Newman to turn himself in to the police and stop the life of a fugitive. Jerry and George discuss the toupee. Elaine gives her new glasses to Mr. Lippman, having already had her revenge on Jake. After turning himself in, a traffic court judge rules that Newman's car must be kept in a garage, at his own expense, until his numerous parking tickets are paid off in full.
Accompanied by Jerry, George goes to try some toupees. Gary arrives, needing a readjustment to his "rug"; he says he can't give the parking spot to George because some judge needs it for a scofflaw's car (Newman). George then gives Jerry the okay to stop pretending and he confronts Gary, ripping the toupee off his head angrily.
Next shot, George, wearing a toupee, arrives extremely confident to Monk's and gets the attention of a beautiful woman. At a book presentation, Jake confronts Mr. Lippman because of his glasses, which Elaine gave him.