|"The Fusilli Jerry"|
|Air Date||April 27, 1995|
|← The Doodle · The Diplomat's Club →|
On the street Elaine tells Jerry she is dating David Puddy, Jerry's mechanic; Elaine thinks of him as similar to a Stanley Kowalski. George is having lunch with his mother, Estelle Costanza, at Monk's. She says she is going for an eye job now that she is separated from Frank ("The Chinese Woman"). Kramer, who has plenty of free time, can pick her up after the operation, just as soon as he gets his new license plates.
At the Department of Motor Vehicles office, Kramer receives someone else's vanity plates which read "ASSMAN", later gaining him praise from passing cars (like in "The Switch"). Elaine is then shown in bed with David Puddy with a wary look on her face.
At Monk's, Elaine angrily discusses with Jerry how David Puddy used Jerry's "move" on her while they were having sex. While Jerry says he will prohibit Puddy from doing it anymore, Elaine backpedals a bit, saying she liked it and that it was not even the same one, as Jerry ended with a "swirl" and David with a "pinch".
On the street, George tells Jerry he needs a move to perform with his new girlfriend, Nancy. Jerry tells George he'll share the technique with him BUT only if George promises to use it responsibly and to keep it a secret. George is very grateful and Jerry promises him if he can master it he'll "never be alone again."
Back at the apartment, Jerry finishes explaining the ending of his move which is ad libitum: it can be a pinch but Jerry prefers the clockwise swirl. Kramer enters presenting Jerry with a small statue of him made with fusilli pasta, a "Fusilli Jerry". When Jerry questions Kramer as to why he chose Fusilli, Kramer replies, "Because you're silly!" Kramer says he is also working on a "Ravioli George". About his ASSMAN plates, Kramer believes that the real owner is a proctologist. He tells Jerry and George that if they ever meet a proctologist at a party, they should stand nearby to be assured of hearing a funny story that will inevitably end with someone claiming "It was a million-to-one shot, Doc".
Jerry confronts Puddy at his workshop, calling him a "hack", about "the move". They have a falling out, and Jerry is prompted to take his car to another mechanic.
George upsets his girlfriend when trying to perform "the move" in bed ("it feels like aliens poking at my body"). George has not fully memorized the technique and tells her that he'll just go back to his old technique. Puddy cannot continue doing his move with Elaine because of uncomfortable feelings brought on by his earlier confrontation with Jerry. George's mother, Estelle, goes to the doctor and is told she must not cry for the next 10 days or she will have complications with her eye surgery. Kramer uses the ASSMAN plates to his advantage by parking in a "Doctors only" spot to pick up Estelle. On the way back, people passing by in their cars yell hello to the ASSMAN, while Estelle takes it personally. Kramer slows down on a pothole and pushes Estelle into her seat, which she identifies as the "stop short" move used by her husband when they were first dating.
At the apartment Jerry says George probably screwed up the progression of "the move", which would explain George's girlfriend's poor reception of it. Jerry receives a phone call from his new mechanic about an estimate, and he thinks they are overcharging him. Elaine comes with the news that, thanks to Jerry, Puddy will not use "the move" again; since, Puddy has settled on a poor move that involves a "knuckle", which Elaine describes as a "big-budget motion picture that goes nowhere". George, in turn, recognizes this as his own move. Jerry begs Elaine to covertly find out from Puddy how much it would be to fix his car so Jerry can determine if he is being ripped off by his new mechanic. Kramer, the "Assman", arrives with Sally, his new bottom-heavy girlfriend.
Estelle recounts her day with Kramer, even mentioning the "Stop short" move. Frank recognizes it as his move, and angrily sets out to find Kramer. Elaine, in bed with Puddy, asks him questions about gaskets and prices for auto repair. Meanwhile, George has just performed great in bed with Nancy, but is soon busted when she finds that he wrote the directions for the move on his hand. George meekly tells her that it's a very complicated move.
Jerry tells Elaine he is going back to Puddy as a mechanic, and that Puddy can now use any move he wants since the value of a good mechanic is better than sex. Frank arrives looking for Kramer, accusing him of stopping short with Estelle, but also the ASSMAN plates. George arrives just in time to see his father attack Kramer, lose his balance and fall backwards onto the Fusilli Jerry statue, which had been knocked onto the floor. He let's out a giant bellow of pain.
At the doctor's office Jerry, George and Elaine shift uncomfortably in their seats at the thought of "corkscrew pasta" that Frank is having removed from his backside. Kramer spots a picture on the wall of the doctor's office portraying the doctor's boat with the name "ASSMAN" on it. Kramer asks the proctologist if his recently renewed license plates had perhaps been mixed up with someone else's and whether he is the "assman"; the doctor winks back. From off-screen, Frank is heard saying, "It was a million-to-one shot, Doc."
In the last scene, George takes his father back to his mother's home. Embarrassed, Frank explains his She cannot hold back her tears at seeing him after his ordeal with the statue and starts crying thereby ruining her surgery.
Notes About Nothing
- This is the first appearance of David Puddy.
- George: An eye job? Ma, you don't need an eye job.
- Estelle: Georgie, I'm a divorcee.
- George: No, you're not a divorcee. You're just separated. You're---you're a separatee.
- Estelle: Well, I'm out there, George.
- George: No, you're not out there.
- Estelle: I am, too!
- George: You're not out there! You can't be, because I am out there, and if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!