|Air Date||May 5, 1994|
|← The Raincoats, Part 2 · The Hamptons →|
Jerry is readying some new material for his next comedy show, which will be observed by a reviewer from Entertainment Weekly. Meanwhile, Elaine is trying to impress her bosses at Pendant Publishing so that she can get the promotion that is up for grabs.Toby, Elaine's obnoxious co-worker, has been collaborating with Kramer on his coffee table book about coffee tables. Kramer takes her to check out Jerry's act. Toby's clownish antics and heckling at the show throw off Jerry's rhythm and he bombs badly. Jerry confronts her about it, but she feels no shame in her actions and tells him to toughen up.
George's girlfriend Robin asks him to hire a clown for her son's birthday party. George hires Eric the clown, whom he ends up giving a hard time during the party for not knowing Bozo the Clown. A fire breaks out during the party and George knocks several party guests down to the ground and bolts out of the apartment. George is confronted by the angry guests and defends his actions the best he can, but Robin breaks up with him.
Jerry, angry about Toby blowing his opportunity to impress the writer from Entertainment Weekly, decides to get revenge on her by heckling her in her office. Toby is so upset at Jerry's teasing that she runs out of the building, where a street sweeper proceeds to sever her pinky toe. Fortunately for Toby, Kramer was just on his way to see her. An ambulance transported Toby to the hospital, but without the detached toe. Kramer spots the toe in the street and bravely commandeers a bus and makes his way to the hospital with it and Toby's toe is saved.
Later Kramer retells the story of saving Toby's toe to Jerry and George. George is so inspired by Kramer's story that he goes back to Robin and begs her to take him back. Robin relucantly does so, mainly because George promises her his days of being a coward are over.
Jerry, who is now seen as a hero by his stand-up comedy pals for his heckling Toby, gets a chance to redo his set for the reviewer from Entertainment Weekly. Unfortunately, he brings George along, who sees a prop comic brandishing a water pistol and mistakes it for a real gun. George goes right back to being a coward and bolts from the comedy club, causing a mass panic in the process and destroying Jerry's second comedy show. Robin witnesses the whole thing and breaks up with George for the second and final time.
Elaine is horrified to learn that Mr. Lippman felt so sorry for Toby's ordeal that he gave her the promotion she had been striving for.
- [George talking to Eric, the clown at Robin's son's birthday party.]
- George: Bozo?
- Eric the Clown: No.
- George: B-O-Z-O?
- Eric the Clown: Sorry, I...
- George: You've never heard of Bozo the Clown?
- Eric the Clown: No!
- George: How could you not know who Bozo the clown is?
- Eric the clown: I don't know, I just don't.
- George: How can you call yourself a clown and not know who Bozo is?
- Eric the clown: Hey, man - what are you hassling me for? This is just a gig, it's not my life. I don't know who Bozo is, what - is he a clown?
- George: Is he a clown? What, are you kidding me!?
- Eric: Well, what is he?
- George: Yes, he's a clown!
- Eric: Alright, so what's the big deal! There's millions of clowns!
- George: Alright, just forget it.
- Eric: Me forget it? You should forget it! You're livin' in the past, man! You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!
- George: Alright, very good, very good...go fold your little balloon animals, Eric. Eric! (chuckles) What kind of name is that for a clown, huh?
- Robin's Mother: Excuse me...you must be George! I'm Robin's mother. Oh, you seem like such a lovely young man!
- George: Well, I do what I can. (Robin comes over.)
- Robin: Hi Mom, how's everything?
- Robin's Mom: Oh, this is just a wonderful party!
- Robin: The burgers should be ready in a minute.
- George: Ah, great, great. (sniffs) What's that smell? Smoke? (walks to the kitchen) Hey everybody, I think I smell some smoke back here...(smoke boils into the doorway.) FIRE! FIRE! Get out of the way!
- (The kids all scream and the party goes crazy. George barrels out of the kitchen, pushing down kids, clowns and old ladies in a mad panic to escape. He runs out the door and leaves everyone behind.)
(Cut to George sitting in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask on his face.)
- George (to the EMTs): It was an inferno in there! An inferno! (Eric, Robin's mother, and all the kids rush at George.)
- Eric the Clown (Off-Screen): There he is. That's him! (Tries to clobber George with his big shoe.)
- Robin's mom: That's the coward that left us to die!
(Cut to George attempting to explain his cowardly actions to Robin, her mother, Eric and a fireman from the back of the ambulance at the party.)
- (Kids screaming and attack George)
- George (voice is hoarse from screaming): I...was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety.
- Robin: But you yelled, "Get out of my way."
- Toby: No, (gets up out of her chair) that's it. (Kramer arrives; to Kramer) Get out of the way.
- (Toby upset: storms out.)
- Kramer: Hey, what's going on?
- Jerry: Boo!
- Kramer: Hey, what's going on?
- Jerry: Hiss!
- Cosmo Kramer: (going after Toby) Toby! Toby!
- (Cut to a scene of the street outside. We hear screeching tires)
- Toby (off-screen): (voice; screaming) My pinky toe!
- Cosmo Kramer: (voice; yelling) Toby! (Shot of a shocked Kramer is shown) Oh, Oh!
- George (from backstage): He's got a gun! He's got a gun! Get out of the way! (Tries to flee the bar in a mad panic. The audience in the club also goes nuts and heads for the exits. Jerry stands onstage, perplexed.)
- (Cut back to George in the bar.)
- Robin: George! This is Ronnie Kaye!
- George: The prop comic? (Ronnie holds up his water gun and smiles.) Oh, hi...I didn't recognize you, what...did you get a haircut?
- Ronnie: (points to his nose): Nostrils.
- (Jerry comes backstage.)
- Jerry: George - could I have a word?
- [Closing Monologue]
- Jerry: I was in a hotel room the other day, and on the back of the door in the hotel room they have the fire map. I'm flattered that they think I have it together enough to stand in a burning hotel room memorizing directions. 'Yeah, I'll go left by the stairs, right by the candy machine...' I'd probably get lost, have to go back to the room, check the map again...and they always tell you, no matter what, whatever you do in a hotel fire - do not panic. Hey, I got four minutes to live, I've never panicked in my whole life - it's my option. Even if they find you, you have a perfect excuse...'Gee, I heard they saved you swingin' from the shower curtain naked with an ice bucket on your head. What happened there?' 'Well, I panicked.' 'That's understandable.'