- Main article: The Ex-Girlfriend
- "A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it so it turned against you. Same thing happened to The Blob." - Jerry
- "I'm not pulling a shopping cart. What am I supposed to wear, a kerchief? Put stockings on and roll 'em down below my knees?" - Jerry
- "I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble, I know that going in." - Jerry
- "What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies! What do you need it for after you read it?" - Jerry
- "You know the great thing? When you read Moby Dick the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends!" - Jerry
- "Yeah, doctor. I'm going to have to wait in that little room by myself, aren't I? I hate the little room!" - George
- "Cantaloupe like this should be taken out of circulation." - Kramer
- "Jerry, have you ever taken a bath in the dark? If I'm not talking into the soap right now, call me back." - Marlene's message on Jerry's answerphone
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