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The Bris

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"The Bris"
The bris
Season 5
Episode 69
Air Date October 14, 1993
Writer(s) Larry Charles
Director Tom Cherones
The Sniffing Accountant · The Lip Reader

"The Bris" is the 69th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld. It is the fifth episode of the fifth season, and it first aired on October 14, 1993.

Plot

The four go to the hospital to meet friends, Stan and Myra who have just had a baby. At the hospital, George gets a fortunate parking spot right in front of the hospital, which becomes unfortunate when a mental patient at the hospital suicidally jumps from the roof and lands on it. George then attempts to get the hospital to pay for the car's damages, but is rejected. Kramer, having directed the mental patient to the roof without realizing his intention, stumbles into the wrong room at the hospital and becomes convinced that he has seen a "pigman", an encounter he quickly develops into part of a conspiracy theory concerning the government and genetic mutation, claiming, "The government's been experimenting with pig-men since the '50s!" (The incident of discovering a pigman in a hospital bed parodies the British 1973 film O Lucky Man!.) When George thinks there should be pigmen walking around, Jerry tells George that there is always some "group of perverts that's attracted to it, 'ooh, that little tail really turns me on.'" (In Shallow Hal, Jason Alexander's character has a little tail, and in fact, there is a group of females who are attracted to it.) Elaine and Jerry become nervous about the religious duties they must perform when they agree to become godparents to the newborn baby, obligated to arrange the bris, which involves booking a mohel and holding the baby during the circumcision. At the bris, Elaine's unstable, shaky mohel (guest star Charles Levin) arrives . Kramer, disturbed by the concept of the bris, attempts to stop it, and the mohel accidentally circumcises Jerry's finger when Jerry flinches. The four go to the hospital, where Jerry's finger is attended to. Kramer finds the "pigman" (whom he later discovers is actually a "fat little mental patient") and "liberates" him from the hospital. The "pigman" steals George's car, which was again conveniently parked. Jerry and Elaine are no longer godparents to the baby; instead, Kramer becomes the godfather due to his caring for the baby. The ending of this episode is a tribute to the ending of The Godfather, even using the theme music from the movie.

Trivia

This is the last episode where Kramer gets applauded on his first entrance into Jerry's apartment, because Larry David had begged the studio audience to stop doing so, since he felt it wasted screen time and it threw off the actors' timing. According to the Notes About Nothing feature of the episode on the DVD, Jason Alexander has stated that this is the only episode he wishes was never made; his objections specifically centered around the character of the mohel, whose behavior (specifically, his hatred of children) bothered him.

Quotes

Kramer: The pig-man! I saw a pig-man! He was just lying there and then he woke up. He looked up at me and made this horrible sound, eeeeaaaahhh, eeeeaaaahhh.

Kramer: Believe me, Jerry. Somewhere in this hospital, the anguished "oink" of Pig-Man cries out for help.
Jerry: Well, if I hear an anguished "oink", I'm outta here.

Kramer: Look, I know what's going on here, the oink, oink. Look here you little quack, there was a half man, half pig holed up in that room, there. Now where is he?! Where is he?! You know what I mean - pork, sausage, A-deek-a-deek-a-deek th-th-th-that's all folks.

George: He couldn't move over two feet! Land on the sidewalk, it's city property!

George: Someone's going to pay for this damage and it's not going to be me.
Jerry: Oh, you're screwed.
George: I know.

Kramer: You know, you should call this off, Elaine. It's a barbaric ritual.
Elaine: Well, perhaps one day when the pig-men roam free, it will be stopped, Kramer. Until then, off with their heads.

Mrs. Sweedler: Flew right past the children's wing. Apparently, they thought he was flying. You know how children are. "Oh, look a man is flying, a man is flying!" Then, SPLAT.
George: That's where I come in, Mrs. Sweedler. On "Splat"...

George: I wish there were pigmen. You get a few of these pigmen walking around and suddenly I'm looking a whole lot better. Then if somebody wants to fix me up at least they could say, "Hey at least he's no pig-man!"

Elaine: How do you find a mohel? Motels, models...
Jerry: Oh, finding a Mohel is a piece of cake. Any idiot can find a Mohel. I have the tough job. I have to hold the baby while they do it. How would you like that job?

Jerry: Ah, well, if it isn't Shakey the Mohel! Nice job on the circumcision, but it's not supposed to be a finger!
Mohel: The circumcision was perfect. The finger was your fault! You flinched!
Jerry: Oh, who made you a mohel? What, do you get your degree from a matchbook?
Mohel: (making a sudden movement towards Jerry) You see! He flinched again!
Jerry: Nice mohel picking, Elaine. You picked a helluva mohel!
Mohel: One more peep outta you, and I'm gonna slice you up like a smoked sturgeon.
Jerry: Oh, don't threaten me, butcher boy.
Mohel: Butcher boy?!

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